AGROPHOBIA - PANIC ATTACKS
Agraphobia crept up on me so sneakily even I didn't notice it until it was too late, and certainly no one else noticed either, and it went on for years, I was always surrounded by people, family and friends, they were always there, I never had to drive a car, and there was always plenty of people to give me lifts, eventualy even going to the shops there was always someone with me, then it got to the point they would go to the shops for me and fetch what I wanted, I used to be a very keen gardener, I loved my garden, but when I got really bad I couldn't even go out the door, still I hadn't realised how bad I was until I decided to actualy leave the house and go to the shops on my own. No way,! as soon as I opened the door I had a terrible panic attack, It didn't help that I am also asthmatic and I really thought I was going to die, I never mentioned it to anyone and I made my mind up this just was not like me at all, and I remembered all the things I used to do on my own, travelling any distance had never been a problem, it was like I was a different person and I didn't like the way I was now, I did go out occasionaly but only if someone was with me, and I made sure they were never out of my sight.
There were times when they were out of sight, and again I would get a panic attack and I would have to use my inhaler and sit down till I recovered, it was difficult to believe that no one noticed but I was reasonably cheerful apart from that and I suppose they were just used to me. Then I had a fall and broke a bone, I was with my husband at the time when I fell over a step, well! although totaly ilogical after that I suddenly got a panic attack if I was faced with going up or down a staircase. Eventualy I went to see a psychologist, I only saw him three times, and I thought he was no help at all, it wasn't until later after thinking about our conversations that I realised he had given me the motivation to do something about myself, so I went to the library with my husband and found as many self help books I could find and concentrated on cognative therapy, little by little, or should I say step by step I took the plunge and would open the back door and go a little way into the garden on my own, then a bit further each time, then when I found I could walk up the garden path, I opened the front door and eventualy made it to the corner of the street, you can guess I made it to the shops on my own in the end, but I have to say my heart was beating like a slege hammer and I was shaking all over, but it did get better.
My next step was catching a bus, the thought terrified me but I got an idea, I would take the dog with me, it worked we did it together, I took staircases a bit at a time too, and that worked, what happened or why I ever got into such a state in the first place I do not know, but it is easy to allow simple situations to get out of hand, what ever it was that bothered me is gone now, I would say to anyone with the same problem take the bull by the horns you can do it, it's a big wide world and I am enjoying it again, and you can too.
Shiela Marsh
